Ep#3 - Public Speaking - Improving Your Confidence and Performance
In this episode, I deal with the fairly universal fear of speaking in public. We’ll look at this topic from two angles:
- firstly the psychological aspect and how approaching public speaking differently and reframing your thoughts about an upcoming event can be transformative to both how you feel and how you perform
- and secondly some more practical tips about how to prepare and get yourself into peak condition to deliver your presentation.
00:00 Introduction to Public Speaking
01:00 Understanding the Psychology - Human Needs and Fear of Rejection
02:37 Reframing Your Mindset
03:56 Planning Your Speech - Key Points and How Do You Want the Audience to Feel
05:03 Physical Preparation Techniques
09:09 Practising Your Speech
10:15 Creating Effective Slides and Notes
12:08 Delivering Your Speech
13:58 Post-Speech Reflection
15:04 Conclusion and Encouragement
Links to The Women’s Room – Legal Division:
- YouTube Channel https://www.youtube.com/@Womens-Room-Legal-Division
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Transcript
[00:00:32] It isn't the public's number one phobia, that is spiders. But it's pretty high up there in terms of the list of social fears. So, how can we get more comfortable doing it and how can we get better at it? I'm going to look at this from two angles. One of which is psychological and the other is some practical top tips about how to prepare and what to do physically, both before you go into the presentation and during it.
[:[00:01:21] Connection for human beings is really, really important, as is not to be rejected. And if you think about us in our early years of evolution, if you were living in the jungle, in a tribe, and you were rejected, you were cast out from that tribe, your likelihood of survival was incredibly low. So the need not to be rejected is a really deep, primal need.
[:[00:02:06] I want you to go through that and think if I did freeze for a few moments, what would that mean? Well, it would mean that it was a bit embarrassing and that I wouldn't feel great when I got off the stage. But it wouldn't mean that I'd lost a limb, no one would have suffered any mortal damage, it wouldn't mean that I'd ruin my career, and I want you to think carefully about that because often people think it would ruin their career, but it's very unlikely to ruin your career or ruin your life.
[:[00:02:55] So moving from that, oh my god, I can't bear it, I really wish I didn't have to do this, why have I agreed to do this, to something along the lines of, this is a great opportunity, I'm really lucky that I get to do this, it's a privilege that people want to listen to what I have to say, I have things that I want to tell people.
[:[00:03:38] Sometimes thinking of something as an experiment and using curiosity is a great way to just remove ourselves from our emotional brain, and all the... Angst that is going on in there and allow us to move into our rational brain and be a bit more dispassionate about what's about to happen and how we perform.
[:[00:04:13] So when they walk away from you giving your presentation, how do you really want them to feel? And what are the key messages that you want them to go away with? So most people just try to pack far too much in, and actually audiences at events like this can really only absorb three or four key messages.
[:[00:04:51] But maybe also think about speakers that you admire. What is it you admire about the way that they speak? What is it about their presence? What's the brand that you really, really want to present to the people you're speaking to? So once you've done that, I'm going to move on to some of the physical prep.
[:[00:05:36] So nothing has happened physically, you've just been imagining something and yet there's been an absolutely physical change in your body. And if you think about other things like maybe your hair standing up on end when you're or blushing when you're embarrassed, and even tears. They're all things that happen which start with a thought.
[:[00:06:27] And what power posing is about, so power posing, lifting your arms up, is all about expanding your body, making yourself bigger, but more importantly, opening this front part of your body where all your internal organs are stored. And if you think about what you're doing there is you're saying, I'm not scared, I'm completely confident.
[:[00:07:03] And someone once told me about an example of a man who actually closed his eyes. when he was interviewing him. So, so you can imagine he's just saying, I have no fear. I am the king of the jungle. You can come at me and I'll be completely fine. And what you often see with women, but also lots of other people, is, the complete opposite of this, which is the closing down of the shoulders, the protection of the internal organs, maybe even holding the throat to really protect yourself, from any potential attacker.
[:[00:07:53] We can stay in the rational part of our brain and be confident and relaxed. So I'd really encourage you to find a quiet space. obviously a bathroom is the obvious place, and to do a power pose for two minutes, but not a power pose. When I ask people to do a power pose, what I often get is them putting their hands up like this in quite a shrunken way.
[:[00:08:35] So you want to literally shake all of the tension out of every bit of your body. So shake, shake your shoulders, shake your hands, shake your legs, move your mouth around, get some blood flow going into your face, and then take some really deep breaths in. And longer breaths out, because again, a longer out breath will just help to calm your nervous system.
[:[00:09:14] I would practice the power posing and the physical shake out before you go into the talk. But if you're anything like me, you will do whatever you can to avoid practicing and you will procrastinate. This is usually down to some level of fear. The fact that you're going to have to do this presentation.
[:[00:09:53] If you can bear to, I would practice in front of someone else and get their feedback, but ask for quite limited feedback and ask them to be kind when they're giving it. And you could also record yourself, and then play it back and see how that feels, but try not to obsess too much. So really, practice, practice at least three or four times before you go to the main event.
[:[00:10:32] That's not what you're aiming for. What you're aiming for is to get the audience to leave with your three or four key messages. So use slides that are going to send a message and that help reinforce the messages that you're trying to get across. Don't just write out, a brief summary of what you're going to be saying.
[:[00:11:09] So you can use them in that way, but what you don't want to do is to have them be a transcript of exactly what it is you're going to be saying. And then in terms of notes that you take in with you, obviously, traditionally people will try and take record cards. You'll see a lot of people now with their mobile phone.
[:[00:11:49] So it becomes much more of a performance. Don't just have your head down and start reading exactly what you're going to say. But try at the last few words to look up, and then look back down at what you've written. Look back up again. Engage with the audience. So now we're moving into the event. You've done your preparation.
[:[00:12:21] Have your hands in a relaxed position. Open the front of your body. And then talk more slowly than you think is humanly possible. Again, because you're going to be nervous, potentially, and because you know what you're going to say, in all likelihood you're going to talk much, much faster than it's possible for people to follow what you're saying.
[:[00:13:03] And as I'm doing this, I'm thinking, I've probably been talking too fast during this video. If that's not right, you can always put me on double speed. You also really need to allow time for any jokes that you've included to land. I still remember, an event where I was talking and I'd included something.
[:[00:13:42] The other thing is to remember, if you're sitting on a stage with other people, that you should be on the whole time, even when you're not speaking. So you're still on display, this is still a performance, do whatever you can to charm your audience and woo them, whether you're speaking or not. And then the last thing I'd really encourage you to do is to just spend a bit of time after the event, reflecting.
[:[00:14:23] And then think, how did it feel? How did I feel before? How did I feel after I'd reframed the way I was thinking about the event? How does it feel now I've done it? And it's very likely that you're going to have some level of high when it's over, even if it's just because it is over. I want you to remember that feeling.
[:[00:15:03] So well done me. I got up there I was nervous, but I delivered it and it went pretty well So good on me, and that means next time when you come to it You'll hopefully feel a bit more enthusiastic about the opportunity, about the opportunity to learn. remember this is a journey and you may even get to a point on your journey when you actually start to really enjoy the opportunity to speak to an audience.
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