Ep#13 Are Men and Women Different? Enhancing Understanding to Build Inclusivity - Part 1

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And I'll talk about some of the science that's potentially behind our different behaviors, but it's a really fun, interactive event. But I wanted to see if I could find a way To share at least some of it with you today. and I will refer to a couple of slides if you're listening to the podcast. If you really want to see the slides, then do pop along to the YouTube video.

you'll find it in the link. so go along there if you'd like to have a look at the slides that I'm, talking about. , so what's this workshop about? So it's focusing on potential differences between the sexes and how gender might result in differences in behavior and performance, but also the way we feel or react to situations.

But in this workshop, gender or sex difference is very much a proxy for any form of diversity.

And the aim of the workshop that I do using the actors is to really increase our understanding that the other human beings that we interact with on a day-to-day basis, may have really, really different backgrounds and thought processes, internal drivers, aims, desires, and also ways of approaching and reacting to issues.

And I think hopefully nowadays, the social, both the social and the business case for diversity in the workplace has been really established, both in terms of creating a more engaged and fulfilled society, but also in terms of hard financial and performance based measures and I think one of the good things is that we've become much more nuanced in our understanding of what diversity means.

So we're not just trying to fill in little boxes with specific characteristics. We're really trying to embrace true diversity in terms of background, both life and career experience, but also ways of thinking. And when I originally designed this workshop, I did it because I felt like I spent quite a lot of my time.

Mentoring women to into partnership in a law firm or into managing director at a bank and getting them really to behave a bit more like men, or at least encouraging them to highlight characteristics more commonly associated. With men and success in the workplace. And I, my, my approach was to be entirely pragmatic.

We all recognize that we have to shift personas in different situations, but my dream was that one day we could all behave authentically as ourselves and still be incredibly successful. So, so whilst I initially created this workshop to try and help men maybe understand how women may be a bit different to them.

and it's not always helpful to view their behavior through the lens of a male persona. Nowadays, I think understanding the differences between all of us is just as important for everyone. And diversity does mean difference. it doesn't mean we all have to be the same. We need equality, but that doesn't mean we all have to be the same.

We need Understand the difference, not be frustrated by it because sometimes difference does mean that we can't take such a linear and direct path to an end result, but really embrace it fully and embrace the more rounded analysis and experience that diversity can bring.

And I would say that, although I would love everyone to behave as authentically as they can, you know, I am a realist. we have to perform towards the natures of the organizations that we work in, and they are large hierarchical corporations generally. And sometimes, some of us, not just women, but different personality types might be needing to embrace things that might make them less comfortable, such as ensuring visibility or highlighting our skills.

And I guess that brings me to another point around, is this just about the difference between the sexes? because gender and personality type are very much on the, on a spectrum. So you might have a woman who's displaying more, traditionally male characteristics. And vice versa. So, so some of this will be around difference in personality type.

And I've actually had, a lot of men come up to me after the workshop and say they really identify with the, the female character. I should also say that I'm using the terms gender and sex somewhat interchangeably in this workshop and using the terms male, female, man, woman, without delving into the whole debate around what these terms can signify today.

Okay. So, look, I really hope that I don't cause offense with anything that I say, but if you have any feedback for me at all about how I can make this feel more inclusive, then I would love to receive it

so, I thought I'd start off by talking a little bit about some of the science and research on potential differences between the sexes. Now, there's a pretty fierce debate going on about whether male and female brains are different at birth or in the womb or later in life.

Really in particular due to concerns that, if there are differences that are highlighted somehow that could be used to suggest that either gender is inferior or inadequate in some way. And I have to say, the more I read into the science around this subject, the more it's clear we still have a lot more to discover, absolutely.

And every time a study comes out that suggests one thing, another study will refute it quite soon afterwards. So, I would say, I think some of the science that I'll talk about is really interesting to think about. But, you know, approach it with an open mind, a pinch of salt, and recognize that we may change our mind at some point in the future.

but I do think there are two things that are pretty clearly established nowadays.

So, firstly, we have 23 chromosome pairs, and ignoring unusual chromosomal make ups, in the final pair, there's a difference, so girls will have two copies of the X chromosome, and boys will have an X and a Y chromosome.so, Two X versus an X and a Y, and a gene in that Y chromosome in boys will activate about five weeks after conception, and in turn activate or suppress various other genes that will in turn also trigger the formation, the beginning of the formation of the male testes.

And from here, the second clear difference between the sexes takes over, and that is hormones coming into play, in particular in the case of boys. Testosterone. interestingly, estrogen doesn't play a role until after birth in girls. So there's some clear differences, so chromosomes and hormones, but we also know that socialization has an impact at an early stage of our development.

And thanks to the fairly new science of epigenetics, we know that life experiences can actually be imprinted on our DNA and what we experience can change the epigene, the outside of our genes and how our genes are expressed with some being switched on and others off. And you can see this playing out with identical twins who might have different personalities, but also clearly different health outcomes, despite being absolutely identical.

but what I would say is that Male and female brains are vastly more similar than different. And any of the purported potential differences that I'm about to talk about may be really small, but even if they're small, it's possible that they still have a meaningful impact. so the first thing is clearly men's brains tend to be bigger, so about 11 percent on average.

But then men are about 11 percent bigger on average. So should we really draw any conclusions from that? There is new evidence that differences exist in male and female behavior at an age that is possibly earlier than you'd attribute to socialization. So for example, a study with young rhesus monkeys showed that the male monkeys preferred mechanical toys when given a choice and the female monkeys preferred plusher, more cuddly toys.

And similar results have been found in studies with children of between 9 and 17 months. So boys preferring mechanical, girls the plusher toys. And that's at an age when children don't know that they are one sex or the other. They don't recognize different sexes, but they're still showing a preference for different types of toys.

of toys. And then we know by the age of about 11, boys are quite a long way behind girls, generally in terms of language ability and emotional processing, and girls tend to be behind in visuospatial skills, although all of that tends to get resolved by about the age of, of 18.

So let's have a look at male and female brains.

So you might have heard recently, about the results of an experiment at Stanford University. they've been published really recently, I think in February. and this is where they used AI , to analyze brain scans that have been taken using MRI technology.

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So like the emotional center in the brain around eye level, in our, in our heads. and this is the part of the brain that we associate with the third eye. Flight flight or fight response. if you're watching the YouTube video, you'll now see, an image of, of the brain showing where the amygdala, you don't need it if you're listening to the podcast, but you can switch over to the YouTube video if you'd like to have a look.

so generally men's amygdala are, are bigger, and the amygdala has direct neural connections to other response areas of the brain. And that allows men potentially to respond very rapidly to the sensory input coming from external factors and really take immediate action. So something happens, they react, they take action in quite a linear way.

and we actually have two amygdala, and men tend to rely more on the one associated with taking this external action. So fight or flight, whereas women rely more on the one associated with using thought processes in memory in times of stress, they're really analyzing things. And rather than fight or flight, taking more of something we'd refer to as attend and befriend approach.

And women will also have about 15 percent more blood flow, going to their brain than the male brain when they're processing emotions. And some scientists have suggested that this could be a way of protecting males from experiencing Frequent intense emotions, so if something happens, they're not distracted by emotion or processing.

They can take action. So men will respond to their environment more quickly than women because their thoughts aren't as fulfilled with these emotional connections to past experiences.

And it has been suggested that perhaps women activate their amygdala more easily, when they're going through some form of negative emotional stimuli. and that might result in strong, stronger memories of negative emotional events. And you can, you'll see when I'm talking later about women's approach to risk and potentially sometimes being more risk averse, perhaps this is where it comes from.

And then I'm going to talk about another bit of the brain. And there's a slide to go along with this one..

So you'll probably be familiar with people talking about the left and right hemispheres of our brains, and the left side being more logical, the right side being more artistic, emotional, expressive in nature, and perhaps men being more leftist.

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And this is a big, thick, white matter cable that crosses between the two hemispheres of the brain. And some studies have suggested that In particular, certain areas of this are bigger or more bulbous in women, suggesting that they have a greater ability to connect the two sides of the brain in order to solve problems.

So, possibly women are using both sides of their brain. They're more whole brained, whereas men are tending to, to stay in the left brain. So, it could be something that could explain, why women are better at multitasking, but certainly why they're reaching into that more emotional side of the brain.

of their brain. And then men's brains apparently have more connections going front to back, which might heighten, their perception abilities, making them better at both motor and spatial skills, understanding whereabouts objects are in space.

And then generally this concept of greater connection tends to come up. Again and again, when, with some of the studies looking at female brains. So, there's more connection going on, there's more activity going on. and the hippocampus, which is an area of the brain where long term memories are stored, is tending to be larger and more active in female brains.

And people think this might be something that could explain away the concept of, female intuition. So when something happens with a woman, she'll be using lots of connections in her brain to access lots of memories to see, weigh up what should she be doing based on past events. So, women tend to reflect on issues differently to men by, Integrating and arranging memories and emotions into a sort of web like pattern and then weighing more variables, considering more options, looking at a wide array of solutions before acting.

So women scan across, whereas men tend to compartmentalize. And men will tend to externalize, whilst women will be more internally focused.

And then you can see potentially how the two sexes might view one another in this regard. So, a man's ability to see something happen, take immediate action, possibly a woman could misinterpret that as somehow being uncaring or risk inclined, so immediately taking action without weighing up the options, whereas a woman weighing things up may mean a man views this as frustrating and possibly as a sort of insecure, uncertain reaction to the event.

that has happened

so I'm now going to show you two slides of the male and female brain at rest, which usually provokes a reaction, in terms of the difference. So what you can see in this slide is. That when a man's brain is at rest, most of the activity is taking place in the reptilian brain.

So this is the really sort of most ancient bit of the brain that was formed in terms of evolution. And it's the bit that controls our really basic thinking. Functions like our heart beating and our breathing, whereas female brains at rest are more active. They have about 30 percent more neurons firing.

And you can see here that there's activity going on all over the place, but in particular in the limbic system. So it's this emotional center of our brain. And there's an area called the cingulate gyrus, sometimes known as the worry, worry, war center. So it's the bit that was really making us assess options.

Think about risk. Think about the future. and that tends to be larger and more active in women than in men. And you'll hear me later talking about women's tendencies to ask questions and continuously improve. Perhaps that could be explained by this physiological difference. so in addition to all this extra activity and thinking going on,women, there are now studies that show that women produce less serotonin than men, so around 52%.

And this is actually, people are now looking at studies that, show they, maybe we need to think about, disorders like depression and anxiety quite differently. And then I've already mentioned hormones. So they clearly have a pretty major role to play in the behavior of men and women. So men after puberty will have between 10 and 20 times more testosterone in their bodies.

testosterone is associated with risk taking. Cambridge University carried out a study where they. followed 17 traders and they'd analyzed their saliva, the amount of testosterone in their saliva at the beginning of the day. And the men with more testosterone did riskier trades. And as they did those trades, the level of testosterone went up.

and there have also been studies that showed that men on average tend to trade stocks about 45 percent more than women. So the men are acting more. The women are perhaps analyzing more before taking, some of the action. And there was a study that showed that female hedge fund managers lost less money, during the financial crisis, due to the measuring of the amount of risk taken.

But I suspect if we looked, we might find a study showing the opposite. So let's take that with a pinch of salt. One thing that was quite interesting was another study I found, which is something that showed that if a woman Adopt a male seating posture, so something very male, I guess, with knees apart, a bit of man spreading going on, then the testosterone levels will go up.

So, if you're worried about taking an action, you know, maybe try this, maybe take a more traditionally, male seating posture and see if that makes you more comfortable, with the risk.

And, in a stressed situation, as well as cortisol and adrenaline being released, so these are the things that will probably send a man towards fight or flight, a man will also release more testosterone. So, again, something pushing more towards action, whereas, women will have more estrogen balancing out the cortisol and adrenaline.

and that will mean they're more likely to take a friend or befriend approach. And then I just wanted to talk about another, hormone, which is oxytocin. and we sort of know this as the bonding hormone. we used to think it was only really released in childbirth, um, for women. Now we know it gets released in, through lots of different activities.

It's a great hormone. It's something you probably want more of in your life. But one of the things that happens is when women talk, they produce more oxytocin, particularly when they're in a stress situation and they talk things through, it's actually helping them. with their stress levels. So it's going to bring down the cortisol and adrenaline for a man.

That's probably not what he would do, but for a woman, it's really helpful for her to talk things through, but not necessarily hear solutions, which we know is what men often reach for. When they're hearing a woman talk through a problem and, and one of the studies I really love is this study that showed that when something quite dramatic happens to a man, he will tell on average about three people about it, but only if he knows 'em really well and only if it's absolutely relevant to them.

Whereas for a woman, it will be about 32 people that she will tell. about what's happened to her. And I know this is true from my own experience because I know sometimes, something will have happened to me on the way to work, I'll be standing in line for coffee, and I'll turn to the person behind me and start to tell them about it, even though I've never ever met them before.

So, worth bearing in mind, this Talking things through helps women. It may be difficult for men to understand. They may find it frustrating and want to move to a solution. And then if we think about all of these potential differences in terms of evolution, and, so let's, let's think about the selfish gene.

So if you think about it, so our selfish gene wants to do whatever it can to make sure that it survives and goes on to pass its genetic test. coding onto the next generation. So for men, that means they have to compete. They have to be top dog. They have to be the bird with the amazing plumage strutting around, having got rid of all the other males so that all the females are most

attracted to it. Whereas the females will be looking at the males, be very, very careful about their selection of a mate. And then once their offspring is born, they'll do everything they can to nurture and protect that offspring. And they may well, you know, involve, other people to help them. So there'll be collaboration and sharing of resources.

And then put this into, if we go back to caveman time and put this concept into, you know, what was going on in those days. So the men were going out to hunt, and they were looking for their prey, focused on that prey, not distracted by anything else, going after it in a completely linear fashion to get that prey and bring it back to the village, where the women would be with all of their children and, and their families.

Continually scanning the horizon for risk. So looking at what potentially could come and cause them problems, attack them. So again, you can see why women will tend to scan across, maybe be more aware of risk. Men will be incredibly focused and prone to taking a very big risk. linear approach.

So there's some potential differences. Perhaps it could show you a bit about why we might be reacting in different ways in the workplace. but as I say, lots of discussion and research and controversy around exactly what those differences are, but, you know, clearly there are differences, that we see, if we ignore the brains, we can see real differences in our body structures.

Multiple differences in shape, density, mass of fat and bone, and muscle. men and women have very different health outcomes. Even the way we respond to different drugs is different. And, and scientists are becoming much more aware of that when creating new drugs. And then clearly very, very different in terms of lots of behaviors and things like.

Statistics on crime, particularly violent crimes, show that it tends to be more male dominated than female. And, and we now recognize there are clear differences in mental health issues between men and women. So you know, we are different. And then, just a couple of things on socialization and the impact of socialization.

So things are absolutely changing. You know, we don't tend to give our children, very stereotypical male and female toys, but studies have shown that parents are still underestimating Their daughter's IQ versus their son's IQ. So potentially boys grow up thinking they're cleverer because they're encouraged to feel that from their parents and adult males tend to overestimate their IQ.

Whereas females underestimate it. and then if you go into the classroom and look at what's going on in the playground and in the classroom. So, boys are tending to get more, attention in the classroom. Not all of it's good, so often it'll be them being told off, so they get used to that. Although, if a boy shouts out, often he's allowed to do that, but if a girl shouts out, more often than not, the teacher will ask her to raise her, raise her hand before she speaks.

So, a different sort of behavioral expectation of girls. And then, if the teacher asks a question and no one answers, generally, they'll call upon a boy rather than a girl, because they're trying to protect the girls in some way. So, very, almost subconscious. patterns that are teaching boys to be more comfortable with getting things wrong and taking risk.

and if you think about the games, traditional games in the playground, and again, this is changing. So boys games tend to be quite rough and tumble. They'll be rude to one another. They'll call on other names. Girls, games tend to all be based on fairness. And collaboration. And at school, girls get rewarded and feel they're doing really well if they get everything a hundred percent right.

And it's really neat. Boys tend to take a bit more of a slapdash attitude and that's somehow expected. And so there is a risk that potentially we are still creating confidence factories for boys at schools and competence factories for girls. And then if you take that into the workplace.

There's a lot of confusion in the workplace between confidence and competence. And in the workplace, often we're judging confidence as displaying competence. And you can see this a lot around issues around promotion, when what people are really looking for is visibility, people showing they really want it, people being assertive, people being confident.

So, so there's a real risk that we create. Girls who are incredibly good at what they do, but this isn't going to be what makes them really successful in the workplace so I'm going to stop this bit of the podcast and the video here.I'm going to record a part two because I feel like this section I've been talking quite a lot. And in part two, I'm going to introduce you to Joe and Rob, who are the two characters, who we normally highlight in the workshop.

So they'll come in. I'll be coaching Jo. I'll be talking about some of the issues that she has to deal with. And we'll look at some of the behaviors in the workplace where men and women are different and where it might be really helpful for them to understand one another more deeply and to truly embrace the diversity that they offer.

So do tune in for part two, and I'll see you soon.